Is being a caregiver wrecking your marriage?

Is being a caregiver destroying your marriage?


How do I split my time between taking care of the kids, care for Mom, have a career, and make time for my marriage? 

Simultaneous commitments of aging parents, children, career and maintain a healthy relationship can result in stress for couples being sandwiched by the overwhelming responsibilities.

Divorce is becoming increasingly common for people in the sandwich generation. Think about your circle of friends? It’s hard to hold on the foundations of your relationship when you are being pulled in a million different directions, and everything seems equally important. 


Important questions like how I split my time between children, mom, marriage, and work do not come with easy answers. By establishing boundaries, open communication, and hard work divorce does not need to be the narrative for your marriage.


Many couples become so busy, connection, and communication often will be the first thing that falls off. Many couples will fail to see bids for connection their partner is making. According to Dr. John Gottman there are verbal bids and nonverbal bids for connection that is important. Nonverbal bids include affectionate touching such as a kiss, trying to hold hands, returning a smile, or opening the door for you. Verbal bids may include your partner asking you if you take a walk together or sharing a story about something they feel in interesting. A failed bid is being consumed you consistently fail to see or acknowledge the attend to connect.  When these bids for connection are ignored this can deepen a lack of connection in the relationship and create strain.


Many couple hesitate to seek professional help or wait until it’s too late. Therapy can help you hope with the feelings of anger, anticipatory grief, help establish boundaries, and provide tools to help cope with demands of work and maintaining a healthy relationship. 


Therapy feels expensive and time consuming, but the price divorce financially and emotionally is huge. Couples therapy can help you see what is possible for you and your partners and provide tools to navigate very difficult waters.